I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He did a backflip because drugs
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