i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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