At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
