i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
