sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
