Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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