did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize