Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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