She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
