Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
