She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
