Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
