There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
