No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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