I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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