Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
