...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
