btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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