omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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