She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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