and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
