Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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