His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
