there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
