Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
