yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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