I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
