My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
