you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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