Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
