I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
