We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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