please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize