Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
