He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
