It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
