so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
