He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
