no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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