I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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