I'm passing your future prison.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
