I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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