I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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