Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
