We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
