omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
