she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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