just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
