Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
