Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
