My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
