I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
