All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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