why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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