what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
