hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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