Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
