i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
