Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
