woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
