you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize