I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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