I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
