if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
