I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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