so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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