Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
