Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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