My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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