In the future we'll all be gay
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
