I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
