I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize