you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
