Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
