her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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