Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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