I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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