Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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