theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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