I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
