did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
where are my eyebrows?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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