I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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